Counsel: Plaintiff has no case. He is only postponing his Evil days by asking for adjournment.
Judge: Who would not want his evil days postponed?
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Judge: Did you see any of the accused persons that night you were robbed?
Witness: Very well! They were all masked.
Judge: I see.
Counsel: My Lord I am very sorry for that mistake.
Judge: Don’t worry. I lose nothing by your assault on the law except the little irritation you give me.
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Judge: Your appearance is neat, but your representation of your client is regrettably shabby.
Counsel: I have just been briefed my Lordship.
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Counsel: I will not sit here and continue to listen to this brutal attack on my reputation by this court.
Judge: You can go if you like. I have said all the things I want you to hear.
Judge: Can you tell the court when the arbitration you are talking about took place.
Witness: I am sure your mother had not been married then.
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Witness: I committed the offence under the influence of alcohol.
Counsel: And will send you to jail under the influence of alcohol.
Witness: We changed our former lawyer because he was always sleeping on our case
Judge: You are right! People should sleep on beds, not cases.
Counsel: My Lord, I ask for adjournment because I am in a tight corner.
Judge: How did you get in there?
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Plaintiff Counsel: My Lord, I always get mad with the type of submission my learned friend is making.
Defendant Counsel: My lord, I will take leave of this court before my learned friend runs mad again.
Judge: Take it easy gentlemen, I am not used to having made men here.
Counsel: Did your grandfather give you this land before or after his death?
Witness: If a dead man gives you land. Would you accept it?
Counsel: Do you know when Vitalis died?
Witness: Did they tell you I killed him?
Counsel: I ask for an adjournment because I am sick.
Judge: We shall grant you an adjournment with costs against your client.
Counsel: If it comes to that, I am prepared to sleep here today.
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Counsel: I am totally lost to go on with this case.
Judge: We shall wait until you trace your way back to the court.
Counsel: I put it to you that the defendant’s car hit your own behind because you suddenly stopped on the highway.
Witness: It’s false. He was chasing me behind as if I am his wife.
Counsel: I know this woman very well
Witness: You know another man’s wife well?
Counsel: The mad woman keeps thinking I am mad.
Judge: Why were you chasing your mother with a matchet.
Defendant Counsel: The application by my learned friend is fraudulent.
Plaintiff Counsel: I object to the use of that word ‘fraudulent’ on me
Defendant Counsel: Okay, I withdraw that word. The application was dishonest.
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Counsel: Where is your witness.
Complainant: God is my witness.
JudgeI: hope you brought Him to court.
Defendant Counsel: My learned friend should stop putting words into my client’s mouth.
Plaintiff Counsel: He is not bound to swallow them.
Defendant Counsel: I will ask my client two questions and lave her for my learned friend.
Plaintiff Counsel: I am sorry. I don’t need a second wife.
Judge: Counsel, are you a ‘Mr.’ or ‘Chief’?
Counsel: An unadulterated ‘Mr’. Chief sounds like thief.
Judge: You heard when I read my recordings but you did not correct me.
Clerk: Who am I to correct your Lordship.
Witness: I want the defendant to remove his hands from my Lord.
Judge: What of his legs?
Counsel: Where is late Thomas now?
Witness: I do not know. Do you know?
Judge: Educated me like your husband, bring light into families.
Witness: My own has put light to my family. Everything is on fire.
Counsel: You must be heartless to have beaten up plaintiff the way you did.
Witness: Then he must be brainless to have cursed my senior sister in my presence.
Witness: My Lord, I sued the defendant because by what he did, he has put me in a pot of soup.
Judge: A pot of soup? Ain’t you lucky?
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Judge: Why are you asking for divorce?
Witness: My husband cannot perform.
Judge: Perform miracles or magic?
Witness: Ask him
Judge: Man, your wife says you cannot perform.
Witness: Ask her who is the father of her three sons!
(To be continued next weekend)
