The world is in pains, the world economy is in ruins. Nigeria is worse for it. We now live in perilous times. No love is lost – land, sea and air. Hostility has become the order of the day both at home and away. Owing to lack of means and sustenance, parents have lost control of their children. Children and parents no longer have quality time together. Parents no longer take care of their children as they lack the means. In turn, children no longer look up to their parents. Society has become a huge jungle- brother no longer knows brother, sister no longer knows sister. Everyone, all man, all women are on their own. It is now a game of survival. Only the fittest will survive. The times are truly hard but no matter the bad and ugly times, mankind must continue to promote love within the family and outside the family unit.
Nothing lasts forever, not even the present hard times. We should not lose the family!
As Micheal Fox said, “Family is not an important thing. It’s everything.” Many do not realise this even as infidelity, adultery, unfaithfulness has become the order of the day. Paternity and DNA fraud has ruined many otherwise happy homes. Think of the legion of heartbreaking stories of men damaged by paternity fraud. “A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has” according to Ralph Waldo Emerson. Truth is that, as Lamar Cole said, “A faithful and loving wife is the jewel of a marriage.” This is no indulging blame game on the other gender. It takes two to make a fight. It takes two to tango. With love, affection and tolerance, toxic unions, abusive relationships and countless injuries and deaths arising from domestic violence will be considerably reduced. True love counts no errors! 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-7 reads as follows – 4. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 5. Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. 6. Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 7. Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.
This intervention is about promoting family love, family life, family virtues and family values. Despite the hard times, we must celebrate our spouses, our children and family members. We must be proud of our spouses. We must openly confess our love to our spouses and practically demonstrate it. Love is taught. Love is nourished. Yes, the times are hard but we must look out for our children, family members and society at large. Those we love, we correct in love. We must discipline our children and get our family members to stay disciplined. The Holy Book warned- spare the rod and spoil the child. Nature and nurture are both done in the family unit. Proverb 13:24 (New Living Translation (NLT)- Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 22:15 King James Version (KJV)- Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Family is everything. The home is the first and most lasting impressionistic learning ground. To discipline others, you must embody, radiate and exude discipline. Leadership is best done by example. A person raised in love will have compassion as a lifetime companion. A person raised in strife and hostilities does not know love and can hardly give love. Nemo dat quod non habet- ‘no one can give what they do not have’.
Most men and women alike are either too busy, too ashamed, uncaring or not proud to be seen in public with their wives or husbands or children. A number of high profile people are public figures with zero family life. They have no time for their spouses and or children. Meanwhile, it is beyond argument that parents play a primary role in the political socialization of their children. Children spend their formative years with their parents who might shape their ideological and other beliefs either directly or indirectly Throwing money at children without more is not good parenting. Sending them to expensive schools inside the country or overseas without checking up on them cum on their moral well-being is courting a disaster waiting to happen. On the flip side, children raised in hostility and without family love, care and affection are mostly likely to turn violent criminals, fraudsters and internet bullies. No child or adult who has a father, mother, sister, brother, uncle, aunt or relation he or she respects, adores or loves will be willing to be an internet hooligan or aberrant anti-social character. Family value is everything. Family name, family honour and prestige are more precious than silver and gold. Anyone conscious of protecting his or her family integrity and family name is a big asset to the society.
Sadly, social media is changing the society for the worse. According to MIT Professor Sherry Turkle in her book titled “Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other”, one of the most oft-overlooked impact of social media is the effect it has on the way we view authority figures. The Internet is the great equalizer – everyone has a voice. Now everyone has a platform to speak their mind, say their piece. After any blog article or any news story, a person can write their own opinion and their own comments. And certainly, much of this is good. But it can also lead to an “egalitarian” view of authority; that no one person’s opinion should be valued or weighted any more than another’s”. social media.
On our part, we say that despite the fabled internet equality and secrecy, despite the fact that the internet is promotive of lack of physical presence and direct control, a child or adult trained properly would have been taught to speak strongly but respectfully. If you grow or grew up insulting the woman who gave birth to you, beating, intimidating and disgracing her, you will have no scruples pelting insult at others.
If you grow or grew up without a father figure in your life, never got disciplined by him, never knew the fear of the whip of the man of the house, how can you not abuse the hell out of anyone else on? If you were born without being bred, and no one taught you to chose your audience and know when you are being tolerated by your superiors and never to insult anyone even your juniors but to speak strongly but respectfully, you will not learn respect, civility and decorum in the jungle called social media. Blame poor parenting and early learning disorder on the growing culture of insane abuses and insults flying up and down the blogosphere by e-rascals and e-urchins. No one learns respect on the internet. No one learns love on the social media. Vagabonds and disorderly persons inflicting excruciating pain and torture on others were born but not trained. The virtues of love, discipline and respect are taught and learnt at home from infancy and early enough in life!
Let the present hard times not destroy our common humanity and bonds. In all things, let love lead.
A new normal is possible!
Prof Obiaraeri, N. O.
